Disgorged Words

What is it that I am putting off?
Surely I have examined the issue for a long enough period of time.

Dear reader are you doing what you are meant to do?
What have you put off doing that you should be doing?

First, I don’t call myself a writer, I don’t really call myself anything.
I have dabbled in numerous arts including poetry.

It never occurred to me to “get published.”
I have really never had the desire and yet that is meant to be the goal, isn’t it.

So, back to the “what have you not done that you ought be doing?”
That is my way of putting it on you, giving myself more time, procrastinating a bit more.

My life has been one of learning lessons.
Not just learning lessons as they come, but purposefully seeking out the lessons to learn.

There was a time when twenty-nine that I wished to pursue further spiritual growth.
But God said: If that is so, you will need to stop smoking.” Bummer.

But I did quit because I was more interested at that point in reaching my goal.
So what am I putting off now, today?

I am old now and still learning so why is it so hard to begin this task?
There are so many excuses, I don’t know how, I don’t have time, I don’t want to.

I have done the healing, done the forgiving, gone back, way back in time.
I have the answers. I know why she was the way she was.

So who am I supposed to write about? My mother is dead. My father is dead.
And I know nothing about memoir.

There you have it. How and where do I begin?
Isn’t it a bit presumptuous of me to wish to put this all down on paper?

OK, the computer?
I really, truly do not know.

Now playing at dVerse OpenLinkNight

40 thoughts on “Disgorged Words

  1. Who are you supposed to write about? YOU. Your experiences, your ideas, your reflections, your hopes and dreams, your unique thoughts on anything and everything. There is only one you, so write your story in your words. I myself write for myself mostly, and for the enjoyment it gives me, but also for legacy if someone of my life cares to know my words someday……when there is nothing else left of me.

  2. smiles..i agree with mary…i tell the story of my life in little bits…i dont call it memoir because mostly it is what the day gives me…am i doing what i am supposed to be doing is a question i struggle with quite often…felt most intently when i got out of the corporate world and started focusing on helping others…

    • Brian, you are a dear friend here upon the poetry blogosphere. And yes, you do tell a story … actually you tell marvelous, colorful, witty, happy, exquisite, painful and delightful stories through you poetry. And you hit upon it. Am I doing what I should be doing? I am not really sure that I can answer that. I do understand about helping others. I could not have navigated life without doing so all of my working life. Well, except for the last 10 or so years of it when I opened a retail business. So … that’s it. I need to ask myself the same question as I write don’t I?

  3. I wish I could have more time to write as I just described the joy of writing. But i work and cope with everyday life, just like everyone else with a family. If you have those experiences, why not share them – your memories, your travels and the people you have met. I believe everyone has a story to tell…so why not tell yours ~

  4. YES! Memoir is actually my favorite kind of writing, because we are telling our memories in our own words, a story that no one else has. Please do, as I would love to read it. If you simply begin, it will soon take on a life of its own.

  5. “what have you not done that you ought be doing? This is the question that haunts us all before we start writing 🙂 Write about you, you are the story 🙂 That is what i do, and the journey is just in the beginning 🙂

  6. so interesting…i mostly write about the small everyday things…sometimes if a memory comes, i write about it as well, but usually it’s more about the what happens now…and am i doing what i’m supposed to be doing…never quite sure but i also think there’s more than one way

  7. I like the idea of people sharing themselves in their writing, struggles, pain, joy, love, hate..you name it…you can write about it. And since we all go through similar feelings and emotions, others readily relate to what you put forth. And I agree with Grace, everyone has a story to tell.

    Pick a time in your life that was funny, joyous, painful, heartwrenching, made you scream, made you laugh…and tell us about it. What kind of people were your Mom and Dad…nice, mean, abusive, crabby? Tell us. What do you feel? Tell us.

    • Well, I have even written some chapter headings. Just start you say. What I have to formulate is this. I was inspired by my mother’s (unknown to me)work in London during the Blitz. I came to understand that this (her living under war conditions and bombing) made her the way she was … not very nice as a mother … rotten actually. But that’s the point war does that to people doesn’t it? It destroys lives for generations to come.

      • I like that you are inspired by your mother’s life during the war…quite an intense experience to live through and certainly much to write about. I wouldn’t be so quick to excuse her behavior as a rotten mother on her life conditions though…many people overcome adversity and become compassionate and caring people. We always have a choice. Maybe she would have been rotten without a war… I was raised by a self-centered, uninvolved alcoholic. I did not carry on that behavior with my children.

      • Bodirose, I admire you for not carrying on that tradition. I too chose not to carry on the family tradition and have a very special letter from my daughter that I treasure thanking me for not doing so. Very few people except for those who have experienced war have any understanding of it. Some people recover from war, some people have Combat PTSD … and during the WWII era didn’t have a clue. Identifying mental illness and seeking help in those days was unheard of. It would have destroyed you. She truly couldn’t help herself. I know. War destroys people … that is why it is the greatest evil on earth … and it destroys people for generations to come.

  8. Well, I hold on to the hope that since you ‘busted yourself out’ on the ‘turning back on US’ deal, that you ‘know’ what it is you’re delaying and procrastinating and perhaps avoiding. From what I’ve been allowed to read here–and what you’ve gifted me with……you’re a pretty wisened gal. If it’s permission you need to start putting the truth in black and white–then I trust you realize that the only permission ‘giver’ truly is you.
    But in case you didn’t ‘know’ that–let me point that out as lovingly as I can.
    Truth in your heart and soul is a powerful thing in and of itself…..but truth shared opens doors. Sometimes those are self imposed doors we didn’t even know existed until the truth comes from our heads and shows up in black and white. And just as powerful are the doors that open for others when we share truth–sometimes that’s just the ‘permission’ someone else needs to speak their truth…….and so the loving gift of honesty spreads. Sometimes in ways we never get to know……. That’s okay.

    You doled out some honesty the other day when you visited the web log. Boy was that affirming and powerful for ME. It’s always nice to know that others have walked bits of a journey that I had to wade through. I can convince myself of the darndest things–it’s good to know I’m NOT alone.

    THAT’S the power of putting truth out there, dontcha think?
    Maybe that’s a bit of that answer that you busted yourself out on?

    *laughing* Yes, I’m a wordy little poop. 😉

    • Wow! Yup wisened and gray, ancient! No, I don’t need permission, I need to figure out is this about me or Mummy. I have led an incredible life. But so did she unbeknownst to any of her children. She was a really awful mother, I mean awful. When the movie Mommy Dearest came out I went: OMG, that is Mummy.” Well I guess I didn’t txt did I? After she died, I became privy though a second spiritual experience to a very clear understanding of war. I had the experience of its pain, its intimacy, its seductiveness and its addictiveness. Shortly thereafter I had complete healing with my father (love of my life and dead). Two or three years ago I had complete healing with my mother as I came to understand that she too went through combat. She worked for the OWI (Office of War information – US) in London during WWII … she too had combat PTSD and all that goes along with it. I just have to get it out on paper – whoops – computer. THANKS!

  9. I certainly cannot agree more with everyone commenting before me … you are a miracle … you are a gift to this world … share your gifts with us … share the miracle of YOU so we can witness the blossom unfolding. Give yourself permission to write through the act of self compassion. No one else can do it as you can! xo

  10. I agree with all above as well.You have given me so many insights, Liz. Everytime I read your posts, here or anywhere, it causes me to think, and I feel encouraged, and realise there are things yet I have to learn.

    Just keep being you. 🙂

    On writing I once had a goal to write determinately in order to publish and it was a disaster, now I just let things be. Nowadays when I feel like writing, I write. When I don’t feel like writing, I don’t. Sometimes I do, then I don’t feel like showing it to anyone. I think everyone has different writing habits and it’s all ok.

    • Ravenblack, I love it. I love what you say. I just write or I don’t you say. I am that way with my poetry. I literally could care less about publishing it. But if I write this book – I expect it to be published. Wow that sounds arrogant – but I mean it. It is really less about me than it is about war and what it does to people, how it destroys lives for generations. Its about Mummy and the discovery of her years in london during WWII. Thanks friend.

  11. Hello Liz. I will not answer your question the way others have suggested or just did above. I will let you figure it out for yourself my friend perhaps that’s what life is about: seeking and learning then live trusting. As for me, i write anything i appreciate around… i write about nature.. the ladybugs… the birds… the drops of rain… anything… i want to understand life from the smallest of things and beings to the deepest of the sky… i ,most likely, don’t seek for answers to my questions… i only accept the things that are coming and yet to come… i love to be surprised by the naughty whispers of the wind… the warm touch of earth… i love to observe, keep memories, capture moments of this and that… i love to define the undefinable… put ’em in words to be known, perhaps, by people like me who live to appreciate. Thank you for finding me over at my new poetry blog. I started it 3 weeks ago without any expectations of receiving much acknowledgement from people like what my WINDOWLAD blog have. And though i write in different blog my WINDOWLAD will still be forever my first love. Maybe from time to time i will post Haikus there but my newest poems will be at my new site.. so thank you for all your support and i am glad to meet you around here again.

    Good day!(:

    • Kelvin, I am so happy to hear from you. So WINDOWLAD is no more. I fully understand. I am very glad that you continue to write. I have always enjoyed you. I also loved your response here … thank you

  12. Hi Raven,

    What jumped out at me from your post was,
    “I have done the healing, done the forgiving, gone back, way back in time.
    I have the answers.”

    Could the answer to the procrastination lie in these words? To- do lists with deadlines can only push us so much before we rationalise and slow down. But what if the healing, the forgiving create the passion and the pull to move us forward as we seek for the answers?

    Loved the post.


  13. Seems to me that you have already begun and you started with yourself … the only place to start, eh? As for publication, it’s not a reason to write – you write because you NEED to write … you HAVE to write … that’s the first order … and not matter what you write, you are always writing about you, though the story may not literally be your story.

    • You speak well for the writer Jamie and I do understand the “need” to write for the writer. Nobody likes it (well, writers) when I say that I am not a writer. But I am not, I do not need to write. I just do it. Poetry is fun. However, this is one story that needs to be told … not for me but because I want others who are children of war, children who have had dreadful childhoods to know that there is always a reason for it … even if you don’t find that out until you are 64 years of age. Hey, thanks so much … I am excited about your upcoming opportunities.

  14. I love what Mary and Jamie have to say. Sometimes words flow from your fingers, rather than from your head. Just allow yourself the time and space to do it. I wish you great success with your writing–that does not necessarily mean ‘publishing’ but it could.

Your words of response are greatly appreciated.

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