Victoria Slotto’s wonderful challenge of “stream of consciousness writing” for Into The Bardo.
Chapter One
OK open Word.
Close the NYT.
It won’t be real if you are staring at the juxtaposition of a Ralph Lauren fashion movie and a stream of photos depicting Haitian poverty. God! What a mix, what incongruence on the front page today. What is this world coming to?
I know the real answer for myself. It is to get out and walk. I know it intellectually and I know it health-wise too.
Get up.
Get dressed.
Get going.
Can I really walk out this depression? No I cannot. I know how to handle depression – it is a family trait. Go by the water – preferably walk to it. What is bothering you?
Oh.
Get over it! Do something for someone else. It is a guaranteed winner each time. Still depressed? No.
Sorry. Ain’t gonna work.
Why? I have nothing in my life about which to be depressed. Period. I guess that I am being depressed for my husband. He too is depressive. However, he has something awful to be depressed about.
Chronic.
Nasty.
Dreadful pain!
He has been thoughtful in his pursuit of relief. It has been expensive and useless. I would do anything to help him. Anything at all.
I have prayed, uselessly I think.
Chapter Two
I could use some eggs, I have none. And what better than a fried egg sandwich while watching the World Series? I have bacon in the freezer.
Alright.
I just cut
out
a paragraph. It was really maudlin and self-serving, self interested and words that don’t really need to be written. I know the expressions, the words. They are as follows:
selfish
self-involved
self-centered.
They were B.S. We are what we write you know. I talked to David minutes ago. He is better today. I might add that this is the first day he has been able to say this in seven months. He had a third round
of
shots
yesterday.
Chapter Three
Man, did you see the Cards last night? Embarrassing, disgusting.
Bu-um-mer!
I really hope that tonight will be different. I need to think about dinner. Plan something nice.
OK,
That’s it!
All done feeling sorry for myself – time to get on with the day.
(the secret today came in David’s words about feeling better, his first in months! Therefore I am done here – yeah)! As I go back and edit, I do not really like this at all. But it is truthful and it is stream of consciousness. Maybe I don’t like it because it portrays me as so selfish. I don’t know. It is the lesson plan though.
noh where 
This doesnt sound selfish at all, kiddo – you are a caring, empathetic wife who feels for her husband’s pain, and are cheered when he says he feels some improvement. For me, walking in nature, especially by the water, is the best remedy. I loved having a morning peek into your thoughts today!
Thanks my friend.
This is so good, how you let us into your head, Liz. It resonated a lot for me (my husband is David too and is in chronic pain). You’ve depicted so well that morning mind that hasn’t quite gotten in gear yet. At least, that’s how I experienced it. Well done!
I enjoyed the challenge immensely.
ha. i like the frankness of this…and the straightforward nature as well…which is what scrolls through my head quite often…unfiltered and blunt…honest as well on being depressed for husband…def happens…a fried egg sandwich sounds delightful, honestly.
Yup! Thats me … yours AND my husbands words – “unfiltered and blunt.”
Sometimes that’s just life and you have to tell it how it is… I always prefer honest down to earth writing above all other forms… it connects us all! Thank you for your honesty and I do hope you have a good day with many more to come!
Thank you – and I agree. I have always preferred the honest in everything. Otherwise, well, it isn’t real.
Liz, this is honest and nothing selfish about caring for your husband and the frustration of not being able to do something about his pain. I see you had to struggle to figure out where the depression was coming from … I think it is often hard to figure out where the pain, anger, depression and even joy is coming from … the source of emotion not always immediately apparent, so this is interesting in that respect as well.
Nicely done, Liz, and thanks so much for participating and being a part of this community.
I hope you and yours are doing well tonight.
Warmest regards,
Jamie
Thank you my friend, thank you.
I so admire your honesty in this writine., not selfish – human. I thought I left a comment when I read it before.. sorry for you having to deal with the pain in your life… hope it continue to improve.
Thank you Bjorn. I am great today. This is a real depression, but fleeting because my sadness is for my husband and his physical pain. I want so much for his agony to be cured.