NOT A SELFIE

I give the details here for it might assist another with issues that they, he or she might be having.

I am very grateful that I am able to figure out what is wrong with myself. Meaning that if I am depressed, I can actually diagnose the situation and then take action. Too often people can become depressed or have another illness and not be able to figure out what is wrong without going to the doctor. Then there are trials of medications. Some work, some require dosage changes, some do not work. Please do NOT misunderstand what I am saying. If you feel that you may be depressed and that you need help, seek the aid of a physician. This has happened to me twice before. For me, I have discovered that it is best to figure out what is wrong and then see the doctor and make my request.

The first time that this happened to me was 1984. Right, I am Orwellian. My daughter had gone away to college. It did not bother me one wit. Really! But I stopped sleeping. And I mean that I acquired a real and nasty bout of insomnia that lasted for 6 months. It was bad enough, that I could say that I stopped sleeping altogether (although that was not quite true). I became afraid of “nighttime.” I did not wish to rely upon sleeping pills. I read everything on earth that I could find out about insomnia. I discovered that along with my estrogen, I should be taking progesterone. So, I asked my OBGYN for a prescription. I started taking the new hormone immediately. There was no relief whatsoever. Obviously, I had not quite finished my research. Remember there was no Internet back then. Back to my research. The doctor new nothing. I might add that this town is a pill pushing town when it comes to the practice of medicine. That is simply the medical tradition here.

The upshot of this is that I discovered a prescription, made to order, made from a yam, in suppository form, medication. Yams contain natural progesterone. One dose and I slept like a baby from that day forth. I continue to do so although I stopped taking the drug long ago. The next time that this happened to me my physician gave me Zoloft. In two weeks I felt fine and wished to come off the drug. But, I could not do so. When I told my physician the problem he chuckled and said to me” “yeah, my daughter can’t seem to come off it either.” This was not the response that I hoped for! I got the flu shortly there after. I was ill enough that I needed to go to bed for several days. Low and behold, I slept trough my pill taking time. I awoke, got up, dressed, went about my day and I was off the Zoloft and the nasty effects of coming “off” it. Thankfully.

I have had many life changes recently. When that happens to you when older, if can have depressive effects. I added up all of these changes and said to myself: “of course you are depressed.” But something did not quite sit right, something was off with my thinking. I just felt as if I had not thought it fully through. And I hadn’t. One of those changes is that after 30 years and five failed attempts I actually successfully came off my estrogen, about 4-7 weeks ago. After realizing this I now knew exactly what was going on. Hormones again. I shall seek the assistance of a physician who works with bio-identical hormones. I had looked to switch from traditional hormone therapy to bio-identical about five years ago. No one here had any idea of what I spoke. Today this town is full of doctors who prescribe them. Just Google it. So a poem to lift the spirits:

sO!

“U” “R”

feeling … dePRESSed … R U?

DIS – – – affected

D
O
W
N

you (R) wishing

that U could leave

Go somewhere else

Begin [Again]

DE {pression}

Is not unique
to you

…… But you are
U.

To this
world

there is [no one]

quite
….. like you

(this)
FACT gives

U,u,U,u,

A variety of GI…FTS
Unique to
{you}

Dis

cover what they R

they ///// Will /////

Give you the tools . . . . .
that U need

Tools 2 unlock your…..SELF

self
self
self
self

sELf … selfIE … U.

2 find within
The key to what WILL

H>E>L>P … u

You might say:

What IS wrong?

Then you may see your
[self]

AND

FIX

what is wrong ??? hMM

U have HA…D many cha{N}ges

So, you know

that {ALL} of those (c) hang es

at
your
age

OH (my) OH (my) Finally . . . . .

(I) get IT

{Y}
[e]
{a}
{h}

!!!!

hor…MONE{s}

aGain.

Mary has shared some incredible photos at the Poetry Pantry of Annell’s. Photos from “Fall Comes to Cimarron Canyon,” New Mexico, USA. They are glorious! So Poetry Pantry it is!

I shall be around to see you Monday morning.

dVerse – Mary’s challenge of Shakespeare’s Seven Life Stages (reinterpreted).

I wish to thank Mary for a challenging and very interesting prompt. An exercise to approach and view, create and review the seven stages of man/woman – according to Shakespeare. Though, to be made uniquely your own, to be done here through haibun. Shared at dVerse Poets Pub “It’s About Time.”

The Seven Stages

Soul
Babe
Youth
Young
Middle Aged
Old
Elderly

Haibun
I have long believed that we started out as soul. We enter the womb and begin changing from all soul to souled flesh and bone. As the balance changes from soul to flesh and blood we are ready to enter the world.

soul like autumn wind
worlds away another galaxy
milkweed pods open

Haibun
A babe is born with cries so self centered and coos so sweet. There is much difference between selfish and self-centered. The new born knows nothing but its own center. Selfish is something that is done from another stage of life. Exploring everything within and without is now the focus. The best thing that one can do is put it in ones mouth.

pod bursts exploding
seeds travel many places
food for chickadees

Haibun
Youthfulness meant playing in the sun, looking for frogs, going to school, building a fort. There was a time when this was innocence before we made it a competition. Today youth is a competition whether in football, as a cheerleader, skiing or just for better grades. Youth was now. Today it is tomorrow.

bananas hanging
from a tree green yellow brown
picked eaten gone

Haibun
They say: “Ah to be young again.” I don’t know why, I surely do not wish to raise children again. I know the young have no time, with kids going here and there in an endless stream of activities. Work while not at home, an arduous balancing act of multi tasking. No time for oneself, a hot bath once a small thing now such a luxury.

caterpillar crawling
tomorrow a butterfly
metamorphosis

Haibun
Middle age still a squall, a proving ground for some. Onward and upwards, will you ever get there, is enough ever enough? So little time to become, become what or whom?

basho traveled far
issa laughed much with life
buson painted life

Haibun
On being old; the body falters. At first an embarrassment, then an annoyance, then who cares? You roll with the punches. Everything surrounding you becomes at once more beautiful and at once more deadly. Many are glad for life. Many are glad for age.

son helping his father
taking his arm walking uphill
who is the father who the son

Haibun
Now elderly, we are getting closer to soul again, closer again to God as our flesh dries and our bones crack. It can be painful but welcome. Have we yet acquired the wisdom of a lifetime? For wisdom is all that we have to pass on to those who come after; wisdom the teachings on how to live with more ease.

like the drying grape
dropping to the ground juicy
sweet new wine to drink

DISCLAIMER – no use of a kigo in any of these seven haiku.