Keep It Real

the smoky haze
so beautiful
to the eye
because
it hides reality

as i walked
into the five spot
everyone jivin’
swayin’
to the music
i was lost
to the rhythm
the throat of the sax
the piano banging
out the notes
of my youth
I was
reaching
for something so
elusive
i wanted
the fantasy
of being a grown up
connected to a group
in control of emotions
that had not yet
formed

i was seventeen
i was living a lie
being a grown up
drinking and smoking
loving jazz
in the village
the five spot was
thelonius monk’s place

i did an abstract of the 5-spot
all reds and purples
my college roommate
asked for it
i told her “only if i
get kicked out”
she has the painting

heard his kid play
forty years later
there was
no comparison
no fantasy chase
for me now
no fullness in the
notes

you cannot go
back
you cannot go
forward
for all you have is
now
today
so bang it out

there is
no more haze
no more smoke
just that odd
glass of scotch
or bubbly
dates with the hubby
movie night
cosy
snuggled up with a
reel
it’s good
get’s no better

©
Liz Rice-Sosne November 2012